I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
