Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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