If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
