yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
