this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize