So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
