Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
