so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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