we're blogging at a bar
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
