My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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