I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
