So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
