Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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