Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize