I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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