I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How does one acquire holy water?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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