onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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