Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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