I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
