I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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