Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
porn star boner night. come get it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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