After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
