Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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