I got chris browned last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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