you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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