If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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