Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
