I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
