It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
