for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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