Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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