i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
