im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
