I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
