dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
