I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
