i think my tv is drunk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
