it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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