his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
