Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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