saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
