I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
