If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
