Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
