I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize