I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
