I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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