I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We need to get me chipped asap
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize