fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
