HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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