i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
