Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
