for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
