I'm going to jail i love you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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