hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
