I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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