I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
