I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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