i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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