Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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