All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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