I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Two words: nipple clamps
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