I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
