You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I smell stomach acid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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