id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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