Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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