and she was petting her beer can
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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