i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
