I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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