im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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