C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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