Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
