Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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