we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize