I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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