Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize