i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
