So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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