Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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