She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My cat gives me a boner
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
