If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize