I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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