I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
