evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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