You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
