well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
