its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
