More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize