I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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