Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
