I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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