Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
