wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Houston, we have a blender
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
