When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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