she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
