Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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