Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sext me about skeletons
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
