my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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