apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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