it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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