I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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