maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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