finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
