Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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