Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
