like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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