I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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